Painful Excuses...⚠️very heavy triggers ⚠️

I couldn't work out today like I should of.  That sounds so cliché and a weak effort at making excuses. 

I'm so torn apart on the inside.   I'm currently wearing eleven Salonpas patches all over my body because of the pain.   I'm unable to breathe very well because I'm so busted up on the inside.   I can barely walk and nearly fell more than once when trying to at least do yoga this morning.  I know some people say stuff like that to be dramatic or to be funny, but  I literally am torn up, and it's confirmed by doctors and physical therapists. 

But my brain,  ohh my rotten brain tells me I'm weak, worthless, and a complete failure, and that I always will be a stupid fat cunt of a cow and a piece of shit.   It tells me that if I managed to do the yoga,  then I can get my fat ass up and do the rest.  My karate teacher years ago would call me up if I ever tried to take even just one day off from the seven days a week I spent in that place,  and let me know in no uncertain terms that I was a  failure and that he wasn't happy with the fact that I was not coming in to class, that he was so disappointed that I couldn't do any better and that I was just making excuses so that I could be lazy.   He made me feel like such a loser for trying to make a good call for my health even just once.  He never called to at least find out if I needed help, just to let me know how worthless I was.  This same person is now confused that I don't want to be in contact with him.   I'm getting triggered like crazy just trying to make sense of why I was there for 12 plus years.   

Why can't people find someone else and not me to pick on?

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