⚠️✨TRIGGER WARNING✨⚠️ This is a diary for my ED thoughts, feelings, gripes, and rants; if you're unable to cope with that, you can leave - it won't hurt my feelings.
Poor body image. I have a "phantom" muffin top; it's not really there, I got rid of it, yet I still feel it there. I'm pretty sure I can still even see it in the mirror occasionally. Years past, I remember looking at myself sideways in the mirror from time to time, grabbing the whole mess that was my stomach area in my hands an pressing it together between my palms, trying to pull out and away to the side, trying to hide it... so that I could see what I might look like with a small waist. Now, the "phantom" never goes away. Even when I know it has.
The one nice thing about blogging, journaling, diary keeping, whatever, is that once I’ve written something, even the ED stuff, once it’s out of my brain like that and onto the blog, I’ve been able to put it out of mind. Like, it’s here on the blog and I don’t have to keep ruminating about it. It’s here if I want to go back and read it, like a repository. Both good and bad thoughts live here, even those tricky random thoughts that we know intellectually are not real, just random, but ones we tend to listen to and think they are truth. They are not anything of the sort, just random slag in our heads. Some are fluffy, some…..not so much. I’d like to keep the fluffy and put the slag in the recycle bin, please and thank you.
"1 in every 5 people diagnosed with this illness will die from it." Those odds suck an awful lot. "50% of these deaths are from suicide." No thank you. I've got crazy fun stuff to do and see in the world, so I'll be busy.
Comments
Post a Comment